I’ve been thinking a lot about family lately. A lot has been changing for me, both good and bad, and it has me thinking a lot about what I want in the future. But it’s not just the future that I’ve been thinking about. I’ve also been thinking about social norms. My friends like to tease me because I, Hessian, am older than my partner, Withteeth, by three years. I’m 25 ad he is 22. He’s younger than my little brother. This doesn’t bother us, nor does it bother our friends. But it does go against social norms. Nobody would even think twice about it if were three years older than me. It seems odd. We’re both in our 20’s, we’re both at the seem stage in our life, and we’re both equally successful. So why do people feel the need to comment on our age difference?

We also get a lot of comments on our future goals. We are engaged, but I never got a ring. I don’t want a ring. We both view them as a scam. Most of our friends feel the same. We’ve had friends comment on our engagement in amusing ways. One friend made a comment about us expecting a toaster (we already have a perfectly good one, thank you) and said that “we’d get nothing and like it.” We find the comment amusing. We really don’t need anything, nor do we expect anything. We are getting married for the security and nothing more. We want to have children, so we want the legal protections. I’ve gotten asked about my “ring” already. And we’ve had comments about how marriage is over-rated. My brother is being harassed for a date by my extended family (there isn’t one yet). It’s funny to watch how people react to weddings. They are a legal contract, but we use them to symbolize our love. We want to have a ceremony for family more than anything, but we want to do it while avoiding all of the standard stereotypes. We are thinking of basing the wedding off of a traditional knighting ceremony because I disagree with so much of the tradition surrounding marriage. So what is it with people and weddings/engagements?

And finally, we get questioned a lot on the number of children that we want. We have decided that we want 6 altogether. I would give birth to 4 and we’d adopt two. People think that we are crazy for wanting so many. Our friends because we’d be contributing to overpopulation, and everybody else because it’s so unusual nowadays. We have two reasons for wanting so many: a) I want to adopt and b) we both want to pass on our genes. I also really like kids, and my partner is willing to go for that number because it will be financially plausible. Both of my parents have 5 siblings, and it is common for people in my family to have 3-5 kids, so these numbers don’t really seem odd to me. But it amuses me to see how many people’s jaws drop when we say that we want 6 kids. It’s almost as if it’s asocial taboo to say that you want more than two kids (and less than one).

4 responses to “Family


    I wish I knew about this website sooner. It would have saved me plenty of time and grief. There is a chock saturated in information here. Thanks.


  • colleenmichel090

    My own mother told me if I didn’t get married then that’s proof that me and my partner are not really in love or committed to one another. It makes me think that all marriage is for is proving to the public that you’re committed. I think the commitment is between you and your partner, not the world. So why do we have to prove it to people?


    • hessianwithteeth

      That seems odd. I agree with you: only you and your partner can know how much you love one another. What does a marriage certificate really show? It’s not like nobody has ever gotten married only to be divorced in a few months. My partner and I do everything that a married couple would do, we just lack the “approval” of the government.


  • Mike Moore

    My wife is 8 years older thsn me. I get where you’re coming from. What’s important is you’re happy. 🙂


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