Would You Raise Your Child in a Gender Neutral Environment?


A few years ago, a family got a lot of attention because they refused to reveal the sex of their baby. A lot of people called it child abuse. Others were very supportive. There is a growing trend today of parents trying to raise gender neutral children. There is a growing number of books on the subject, and no few blogs. Due to the growing popularity of this trend, I am curious to know what others think.

Would you raise your child in a gender neutral environment?

If so, how would you do so?

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23 responses to “Would You Raise Your Child in a Gender Neutral Environment?

  • kat

    ok, just have to say—gender is a biological state of being, ie, if you have male sex organs, your gender is male. sexuality however, is a very fluid thing that has traditionally been associated with gender, but nowadays is becoming more separate. so, this is where the bglt movement has come into play.

    given that, i believe that providing your children with all types of toys, experiences, and information is the best way to go. this i guess would fall into providing a ‘sexuality neutral’ environment. my son played dress up with my daughter, wearing high heels, dresses and boas. he loved his nails to be polished. my daughter played doctor with my son, and she was the doctor, giving shots and taking blood pressures. my son had all kinds of toys and so did my daughter and they played with each others as well. my son is now 17 and is a solid masculine sexuality while my daughter is a very feminine sexuality who identifies as bi and dates a transgender. it does not matter what you do or say to your kids, they will be who they will be as they grow up. that is, no matter how i raised my son or daughter, they would still be who they are today.

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  • Smithd838

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  • samcroarkin

    I think not knowing the sex of the child prior to birth is fine, maybe even beneficial, but I do believe that we should be raising our children while not focusing on gender roles but acknowledging their existence. But in the end, choices will have to be made: a child without structure, while sounding ideal, could cause a serious developmental problem.

    That is one thing we must be careful to observe: as we mature, we may feel the need for less structure, but for children, structure is important since they do not have the tools to freely develop in our society (that being the important part). While society can change, one must at least nod to their society or deal with serious consequences.

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  • Godless Cranium

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Gender is a set of stereotypes we can do without. They limit people’s potential unnecessarily.

    Interesting topic!

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  • Brandon R.

    I find it interesting, not I interesting. I am not.

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  • Brandon R.

    I remember seeing this on tv and I interesting. I’d like to see how this kid turns out. I want to see how this future being identifies itself with humankind. I wouldn’t subject my kids to this. Instead, if I ever have kids, I’d let them make their own choices, so far as they do not cause any bodily harm. Although I don’t feel good about using my own child as a science experiment.

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    • hessianwithteeth

      Last I heard, they revealed that the child was male. They have two older brothers who are both very gender fluid though, so it seems likely that this child will also be very gender fluid.
      I want my children to pick for themselves as well, but I can see the draw in not telling anyone the child’s sex: in my family, if I say I had a girl my family will only but traditional girl things. If I had a boy, they’d only buy boy things. For that reason, my partner and I will not be finding out any of our future children’s sexes until birth and all baby showers will be before birth.

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      • Brandon R.

        What you say had weight. My parents would be the same but I can’t blame them for it because their parents and their patents before then we’re conditioned for that. If we want change we must enact it ourselves. I personally would concede the sex and then go from there. Ultimately, the kids will find its own voice.

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  • theferkel

    I would prefer my kid to grow up in a gender defined way. Parents who are too relaxed and want their boys to play with dolls and girls to be boyish and play with cars will create individuals that will be outcasts in the social life, having troubles adapting to environments where a girl is supposed to be good with make-up and a boy should know how to fight rather than braid hair.
    I’m saying this because my own parents raised me to be as open as possible and gave me gender neutral toys.
    Now, while I’m awesome at changing tires on a car and checking the brake fluid, I found it hard to fit in in highschool as all the other girls were looking at me oddly whenever I mentioned car repairs. My sense in clothing did not help either. I chose more practical clothing and even today I buy my t-shirts from the men’s isle in Sports Direct.
    I would want my kid to fit in from a young age and not grow as an outcast in the society.

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    • hessianwithteeth

      But doesn’t that just perpetuate a stereotype? It leads to more boys and girls that believe that girls have to be one way and boys have to be another (even if you don’t explicitly tell them). Wouldn’t it be better to create a society where a girl can talk about cars and dress practically without being discriminated against?

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      • theferkel

        We’re talking about changing the society from the core up. It’s ideal and achievable within 3-4 generations. I just feel sorry for the sacrifice generations. Much like I feel sorry for the young people participating in the black liberation movement, in the women liberation movement and in any other movement for any other liberation. Yes, we bear today the fruit of their hard labour. But it was a tough life for them and I would not want my child to go through it.

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  • countpoopoo

    There is a difference between sex and gender. Sex is what you actually are based on whether you have a penis or a vagina. Gender is the cultural role you’ve chosen for yourself, as a girl or a guy.

    The baby should have the right to know its sex, but as it grows up and matures, it can decide for its own gender and sexuality, whether it wants to be a boy, girl, transsexual, gay, etc etc. It’s awkward when a child doesn’t know who he/she is, biologically, and that is wrong to keep that information away from them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hessianwithteeth

      Would you really not know who you are without knowing your sex? You’d still have your personality, your likes and dislikes, and everything. And it’s not like the child wouldn’t know for long. Society would make sure of that.
      I don’t know about you, but I never chose my gender or my sexuality any more than I chose my sex. If I had, I’d probably have chosen otherwise to avoid being stigmatized.

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      • countpoopoo

        Well, if you don’t tell a child who they are, they just might have a identity crisis. You don’t know if they’ll know. Maybe they will.

        Which is why I said I will respect whatever gender they choose, but they should always know at least who they biologically are.

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