I wish I were, but I’m not. Have you ever had one of those discussions with someone where you disagreed, and you wanted the person to come to your side but instead all that happened was everyone involved got upset? I had one of those a few weeks ago. But my conversation was six of us against one. It was never our intention to dog pile our friend, but we all disagreed with him and we thought that what he was saying was harmful. We still do. But we got over it nonetheless.
But now it’s back. Not because anyone in the fight brought it back, but because another of our friends brought it up. He wasn’t part of the fight. He avoided it. But he believes that he has the moral high ground to bring it back. This is really annoying me. It’s annoying me because we all knew that things got out of control. We all know what we did wrong. It’s annoying me because, despite the fact that we have all left it in the past, somebody who was not involved in the fight feels the need to rub our noses in it. They want to shame us. I know that this is not his intention, at least not consciously, but it is still what he is doing. He wants to clear his own conscience despite not having been involved.
But what hurts most is that this person didn’t come to me with his concerns. He went to others and I had to hear it from them. He seems to think that it is my responsibility as a “leader” to avoid having my feelings hurt and reacting. If I had been acting in my position at the time, I would have been more careful. But this was a fight between friends. It had nothing to do with my position. I can understand his concerns: this could impact the club indirectly and it could affect how others view me. But, at the same time, I’m human. I’m not perfect. I do get emotional and I do get mad. We fought, we got over it. Why bring it up? And why avoid telling me?
I wish I were perfect. I wish I could keep myself from getting over emotional. I wish I were always rational. I wish that what had happened hadn’t.