Before I begin, please don’t leave any comments meant to shame me or any other person who has had an abortion. Regardless of your person views, this is my story. I do not regret having my abortion.
I’ve been coming across an increasing number of women who’ve been posting their abortion stories online. I wrote about my experience about 7 months ago, but it has been a long time and we have gained a lot of followers since then. As such, I think it is about time to tell my story again.
Back in February, Withteeth and I were finally settling down after a long and stressful five months. Our lives had been turned upside down and we were finally settling in to a new “normal.” By the end of the month we were taking a break from school. A break that we spent pet-sitting for Withteeth’s parents. Then we went back to our regular school routine. After dealing with so much stress, I hardly registered my missed period. My cycle had gotten all messed up, so it was easy to miss.
We went to the doctors when I realized that I could be pregnant. I was. 5 weeks, in fact. Here in Canada, abortions without doctor consent can only be done up to 12 weeks. The doctor told me to set up an appointment immediately because wait times can be ridiculous here. The first thing I did when I left the doctor’s office was set up an appointment at the abortion clinic. At that point I didn’t know if I was going to go through with it, but I knew that I didn’t have any time to waste.
I had to go get some blood work done before my appointment, so I spent three hours sitting in a blood clinic to get my results. Then I was ready for my appointment.
Withteeth and I want kids, which is why I wasn’t sure if I would go through with the abortion. However, had I kept it, I would be set to give birth this December. My due date would have made it difficult for me to finish this semester. And having a newborn would have made it difficult for me to go back to school next semester. In all likelihood, I would have had to take the year off. This is supposed to be my last year of school. It wasn’t an ideal situation for raising a child. And after all the issues we had been through, raising a child wasn’t something that we could emotionally handle. So I decided to go through with the abortion.
Apparently it was a good time to get pregnant: I managed to get an appointment for a week after my initial doctor’s appointment. I was six weeks pregnant at that point, so I chose to get a medical abortion. A medical abortion involves getting two shots in your back. The shots kill the embryo. Then I was given medicine to take. Some of the medicine was to keep me healthy. The rest was to cause a miscarriage. I went home feeling fine, but essentially had the flu for the next week. I miscarried on the Sunday (six days later). Then I went back to the doctor where they determined that everything went fine. I wasn’t surprised: there was only a 1% chance that anything would go wrong.
I have been healthy ever since. I experienced no negative after effects. And my ovulation cycle has gone back to normal. What’s more, I’m on track to graduate this coming spring. And Withteeth and I are in an emotionally stable state, so having kids now wouldn’t cause the problems that it would have before.
November 16th, 2014 at 1:33 am
Thanks for sharing, you brave woman! Abortion is one of the toughest choices a woman can make, and if for nothing, then for that fact the society is supposed to be supportive.
Glad everything went well, glad you are ok both physically and emotionally, and I wish you lots of wonderful life!
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November 13th, 2014 at 3:03 pm
I would rather someone abort with certainty, than bring a child into an uncertain home. Best wishes.
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November 13th, 2014 at 9:50 pm
I would hope that nobody tries to shame you. Speaks more to their lack of character if so.
Life comes atcha from all angles, and compassion and mercy are always good friends.
All the best
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November 13th, 2014 at 7:56 am
Late reply here.
Thankyou for having the courage to share your story, it is always comforting to know we are not alone.
November 6th, 2014 at 12:13 am
Reblogged this on Uniqely Mustered and commented:
Story of the unwanted periods of wanting a baby. Please feel free to share your experience as it may be as personal as setting a private session with me.
November 3rd, 2014 at 8:36 pm
I admire your decision to be true to yourself! Out of curiosity, and only if you feel comfortable answering, why did you choose to have an abortion over adoption? I’ve always been curious about this question. I was put up for adoption as a baby and never REALLY knew what my birth parents’ reasons were. I really don’t think either is more right or wrong than the other, but one is more right for an individual, and good for you for realizing this and not letting other people’s ignorance on the matter get in your way!
November 3rd, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Adoption is a time consuming process and I would be very worried about where the child ended up. I didn’t really have the time to look into my options and find a good family for my child, so it wasn’t really a good fit. My partner and I decided that we were only wiling to abort or keep it.
November 3rd, 2014 at 7:15 pm
Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry you’re having to worry about the negative comments. I think that with all the pro-life groups protesting outside centers in the last few weeks (There was a group last week protesting outside one of the centers near where I live, their aim was to talk to the women going in until they changed their minds and went home- their ultimate goal is to shut them all down) it’s good to see women sharing their experiences and talking about how these centers provide professional places for women to go to have these procedures safely. I can’t imagine why anyone who cares so much about life would want these clincs closed, all it would mean is a return to dangerous ‘back street’ abortions.
November 2nd, 2014 at 3:46 pm
I’m sorry that you have to even worry about negative feedback. Your body, your choice. I’m so happy to hear that you made a rational, if emotional, decision about whether to give birth. The time just wasn’t right and it wouldn’t be right to raise a child that you can’t or won’t or don’t want to raise. And, like you said, now you’re ready; you’re again making a rational decision about your life and your child. I wish more women would do the same, or even have the opportunity to do the same. So many don’t.
November 2nd, 2014 at 7:42 am
I’ve had three miscarriages in the last seven years. I want children very much, it is the one dream I’ve held on to. The truth is, neither of those embryos would have grown and been born to a life that was fulfilling. To make suppositions is easy, and easier in my case: if I had gone full term, these hypothetical children would have had irresponsible, unfit fathers, and would have been raised by a mother who was emotionally unstable. In all honesty, the informed decision for me would have been, in all occasions, to have an abortion. I wanted children so much, I was only too glad to be pregnant. But, sometimes, our bodies know, life knows, and the choice is made for us. Then again, sometimes, we understand that the world is full of children who have led unfulfilling lives simply because their parents were not adept for the task of raising and caring for another life. I commend you for choosing to let another child, further along the way, have a better opportunity. I’ve had to go through a third miscarriage to understand it is egotistical and narcissistic, to have a child under circumstances that are less than desirable for all parties involved.
November 1st, 2014 at 11:11 pm
It’s an issue on which strong beliefs obviously prevail on both sides. However, nobody should let themselves be guilted into having an inconvenient child – and I realize that label is like a red rag to a bull for the anti-abortionists who would insist that every child conceived be brought into the world to take its chances – just to please a belief lobby. I don’t think anyone can successfully argue the practice is cruel at only 6 weeks, and the ability to bear children does not, ipso facto, constitute the responsibility to bear children. abortion should never be used as birth control, but that’s not what seems to have happened here; while there’s no reason to applaud it, neither is there a reason to condemn it. People have to make painful decisions all the time concerning their families, and who are the unconnected to judge if a brother in a coma the doctors say is irrecoverable would be appreciative for the quality of life afforded by living an extra 5 years in a vegetative state, or the victims of the tough calls we have to make which decide someone with a terrible affliction should live to suffer with it a lifetime?
Few decisions we make that are not made exclusively to have life easier for ourselves are the wrong ones. There’s a time to have children and it’s the time when you can give them their best shot at a happy and supported childhood.
November 1st, 2014 at 8:02 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still formulating an opinion on abortion. I come from a very religious, Catholic upbringing so it was always emphasized as a terrible thing, but I’m beginning to see the many reasons why it doesn’t make sense to ban it at all times. I applaud you for being willing to share your experience with this.
November 1st, 2014 at 11:33 pm
There’s huge pragmatic reasons to make it legal and fully available. The biggest reason being we do not have effect option for unwanted children, and adoption simply doesn’t cut it. Second there are lot of reason not to want to have a child, even give birth to one. Since abortions these days are as safe of safer then miscarriages (because you know your going to miscarry) there are no real down sides to it heath wise. While I can sympathize with anti-choice advocates, they really are not providing solutions. Only saying that intentional miscarriage is equivalent to murder. (which can and has lead to women being prosecuted for having unintentional miscarriages in I think it’s Peru, but maybe Ecuador). Plus if you can’t do family planning all of society suffers.
October 31st, 2014 at 7:23 pm
Thank you for sharing this.
October 31st, 2014 at 9:15 am
Thanks for being courageous enough to share your story. I think the more people can talk about their stories, the more we can open up discussion on the topic.
October 31st, 2014 at 9:03 am
in all humility, no comments. but an eye opener. thanks.
October 31st, 2014 at 8:36 am
Abortion is a touchy subject, and it appears to be fairly tightly bound to one’s religious belief. I know that before I came to Christ, I thought abortion was a good “engineering solution” to prevent an unwanted child. Once God “spoke” to me, my opinion changed. But since the change was based solely on what I perceive as God’s preference, I cannot justify “forcing” that opinion on anyone who does not believe in God.
The reasoning behind your decision is sound, and I pray that you do not suffer any of the emotional or physical problems which it is claimed are more prevalent in those undergoing abortion.
Was a “quality life” taken away? I don’t think so. It is my opinion that God knows when an abortion (or miscarriage or accident/murder to the unborn) will occur, and does not “waste” a quality life in such cases. Not that He is happy about the situation. It is just that I don’t see where He gains anything if a person is prevented from having an abortion by external laws or pressure, since He claims that the desire is the same as the action and His plans cannot be thwarted by Man..
I still believe that having a child which there is not reasonable expectation can be supported financially and emotionally should be considered child abuse.
October 31st, 2014 at 7:38 am
Everyone’s reasons and stories are different. You can read my story here http://brokengirl.org/2014/09/09/restored-michelle-bolloms-broken-girl-story/ I pray you will not experience any of the tragic things that I or most do. Blessings to you.
October 31st, 2014 at 6:42 am
Wow, you are VERY brave for writing this. I’ve read this through a few times and can’t help but shake a very real question. While you celebrate the quality of life you have received because of your abortion, do you ever consider the quality of life your child lost?
October 31st, 2014 at 9:18 am
I think it is a waste of time to wonder about the quality of life of a being that does not exist. To try to make someone think about what could have been if they didn’t make an extremely tough decision is obnoxious and cruel.
Let’s stick to the present time, and allow this couple to move on with their lives.
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November 1st, 2014 at 7:31 am
That’s right! Why don’t you say to all the women lamenting their miscarriages or stillborn children too… right? Or perhaps there teenager who died… no point wasting time wonder about the quality of life of someone who no longer exists. Your logic doesn’t hold up.
November 1st, 2014 at 7:35 am
Don’t get off topic here, miscarriages and stillborns are very different from this case and you’d have to be a complete imbecile not to see that. After reading this story, why would you want her to think about what might have been after such a difficult decision was made? Are you trying to drum up feelings of guilt, or just being plain obnoxious? Or both?
November 1st, 2014 at 12:28 pm
I’m just looking at the situation from a third party that is not emotionally connected to it. Sometimes we are often biased by our own emotions and very rarely look at it from the other perspective to see if our perspective checks out.
November 1st, 2014 at 6:46 pm
My belief about these thing were formed before this happened (This is Withteeth) and so were Hessian’s. I simply think it is false to draw a conclusions the an unborn embryo, or fetus. is equal to a teenager in basically any circumstance. Your status as a third party does not exempt you from biases either, be them emotional or otherwise. But the point we are making is that the embryo is all likely hood, did not have a point of view which to take into consideration.
October 31st, 2014 at 3:02 pm
No quality of life could be lost. The embryo didn’t even have any brain function yet, so it can’t be said that there was any quality of life for it to lose at that point in time.
November 1st, 2014 at 7:30 am
Extremely interesting research is coming out that the mind is not necessarily the brain. Check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBsI_ay8K70&list=UU5qDet6sa6rODi7t6wfpg8g.
Disregard the title with the word “soul” in it, it’s really about the mind, and how the mind functions outside of the brain itself. Unfortunately, lack of brain activity does not equal no life.
November 1st, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Well Tim I’m looking at the references, and most don’t actually have anything to do with experiment to determine the existence of a soul. Most are research into teams for brain damage which doesn’t help in the case when embryos’ lack much of a brain, let alone a functioning brain.
But there is plenty wrong with the video like, the assumption that consciousness as commonly formulated even exists. There is massive debate on that subject alone, in both neuroscience and philosophy of the mind. Also structurally the bain is massively diffrent then say the liver. No no, this guy doesn’t get the research he’s confusing the mind and brain with the brain being able to induce changes in itself. Brain plasticity while still under major research is in some specific areas understood to a limited, and change due to use (growth if used more, shrink if neglected.) The longer I watch this video the more problem crop up, one after another.
Like saying “the brain having being completely mapped” well first that nonsense, they have only just started getting to that point. The fellow who made this video, a doesn’t understand how to read scientific research, and isn’t knowledgeable enough about the field to be making the wide sweeping statement he’s been making. Like he’s drawing conclusions that because the visual context has been fully mapped (I find that questionable, since we do not yet understand the full extent of the connection and cell function of brain cells, so saying anything is definitive is not quite true) That said the visual cortex is only part of the equation not the whole, so while it might be true that our sense of a single cohesive isn’t found in the visual cortex. It may be some where else.
By 3:08 he’s jumping the gun. It is as simple as that.
Then he goes on to describe “mental force” except what then hell is that? He’s using terms that don’t have common definitions, and are philosophical in nature (mind) where he’s making evidence based claims (brain). These two are not as easy to connect as that. Neuroscience and philosophy of mind are not equal. One is empirical the other is not. This means that with out definitions his whole argument is undesirable. I can’t know what he’s talking about.
“Ther’s a large amount of research” Then he shows four papers some of which he doesn’t link to, and further these don’t prove the mind, the mind is an ancient hypothesis about human thought. What they so is if you change behaviors the brain so changes as well. This doesn’t mean the “mind” exists or that the mind is effecting the brain. It could easily be that the brain and body is affecting the brain. But then again since he isn’t defining his term I don’t actually know what he’s saying.
“Our experiences are effecting our brain chemistry.” Duh, thanks captain obvious. We’ve know that for a long while now and suspected it even longer. The maker of this video seems to think there is an inherent dualism going on, but has not shown this to be true. This isn’t science, this is an amateur making a video about two subjects he has no training in, and making tons of conflations and missteps, over generalizations, false confusions, and who know’s what else. And I’m only 4:03 seconds in! This goes on for 13 more minutes which for the sake of brevity I’m will now try to go through with out pause and make any further comments then. Oops one thing at 4:03 is definitely conflates the mind with the brain, so ya I have no idea what he thinks he’s talking about, but ya it’s not what he thinks it is.
4:35. Another massive leap, which he can not justify.
9:30. Lots of little problem I don’t have the time to research, but his terminology use hasn’t been consistent, and the conclusion he’s drawing just don’t follow. Including the still present assumption that the mind is a separate entirely from the brain. But seriously he says. “the brain is an emergent construct of the mind.” That’s a really big pill to swallow.
10:20 Oh jees, now we’re in the matrix. Or more correctly his view of idealism and apparently David Hoffman, from the video, that we basically, as conscious agents creating the world around us. Ya sure, if that so then why does the world suck so much, and why are we always so damn surprised by things.
Oh crap 12:20 minute he does into quantum mechanics. That’s never a good sign. Ya so again he has no idea what he’s talking about. There is not correlation between neuroscience and quantum mechanics. He just thinks they sound similar and is conflating the different types of phenomenon.
This whole video, in simplest term is both bad science and bad philosophy. Based on the unacknowledged assumption the there is a non physical “mind.” He conflates his own terms, offers no definitions. and strings together despite science articles and philosophical arguments before jumping to conclusions.
This video isn’t not evidence, rather this flies in the face of the general consensus held in the field of neuroscience, and ideas most philosophers of mind (although they are much more divided) hold too. Clearly the creator of this video is neither a trained scientist or philosopher.
October 31st, 2014 at 6:19 am
It was interesting to hear this story from a Canadian. I did not realize they had strict rules on it after 12 weeks, or any wait times. That’s….frankly terrifying to me because I’m a tokophobe, and I would be clawing at my stomach to get it out of me ASAP. That’s just not something that I, personally, could stand waiting on. I would rather pay the $600 to get it tomorrow than wait a couple weeks to have it for free/less.
I would probably prefer medical over surgical, but I’m still scared about how how dangerous miscarriages can be. I’d assume that they’re safer if induced like that, and probably still safer than being prodded with instruments though. I’ve never had any abortion, but as someone who doesn’t want kids, I know the day may come. Thank you for sharing this story and reducing the stigma. It also makes people like me more comfortable with what to expect if we ever choose to have one.
October 31st, 2014 at 3:07 pm
Personally, I was fine waiting a week to have it free. Though if a phobia os involved, the doctors would probably make sure you were a priority case and get it done quickly. I chose the medical abortion because I didn’t want to have surgery, but the recovery time for the surgery is quick. And neither option comes with a very high risk, so both are very safe.
October 31st, 2014 at 12:41 am
Thank you for sharing. While I want kids, I realize that I am not in any shape to give a child a good home at this juncture, and this conflict would make the decision to abort very difficult for me. It was difficult when I had to think about it between my first BFP and finding out it was a chemical pregnancy. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through it. Best of luck to you and Withteeth.
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October 30th, 2014 at 10:57 pm
I’m glad you’re happy. It’s a tough decision.
But I applaud you for doing the right thing and being aware and conscious of the fact that you were not in a position where you could have given your child all the attention and care that it would need. One should be stable themselves first before bringing a child into the picture because one they are in the picture, it stops being about you.
So no, I don’t think it’s selfish. I think it’s an intelligent, informed choice.
October 30th, 2014 at 8:11 pm
i cannot imagine what that must have been like; though I do not agree with your decision, I realize that you were in a tough place. At least you have the courage to own up to your choice, so many people go through it and never tell a soul. May the grace of Christ be with you, and I hope you will be blessed by the future children you have.
October 30th, 2014 at 7:24 pm
I’m glad you’re healthy and had no ill side effects 🙂 My wife had to abort years ago, we went to a clinic that specializes in that, I have no clue about the procedure as to this day she has never spoken about it, it matters not the reasons and I don’t believe anyone should have to explain themselves, I do know that it is not an easy decision.