Lately I’ve been struggling quite a bit with my anxiety. I barely made it out of school with my sanity. I haven’t been able to care about much, because everything is just too intense. But that’s what anxiety is.
Anxiety is the need to do everything, but the sense of being overwhelmed with everything that causes you to do nothing. Anxiety is the deep rooted fear that something is terribly wrong even though you know that nothing is wrong. Anxiety is the fear that success is impossible for you no matter how hard you try. Anxiety is the feeling that people don’t actually like you regardless of what they say or do. Anxiety is the fear that everything you do is somehow wrong. And on top of all that, anxiety is the knowledge that you fears are irrational and the inability to stop them. People with anxiety know that their feelings aren’t based in reality, and telling us this doesn’t help. In fact, it just feeds our fear that we aren’t liked or are thought to be stupid. But anxiety isn’t built on rationality or logic. It is a malfunction of the brain. Reason can’t stop anxiety. I wish I could just reason my way out of an anxiety attack.
My anxiety has gotten worse. It’s bad enough that I have to go get blood work done to see if it has any physical causes. It’s bad enough that I get to discuss medication options with my doctor after the blood work is done. It’s bad enough that I actually look forward to the zombie-like feelings that come with most anxiety like medications. I look forward to it because I can’t function. I want to blog, but when I think about writing a post I think of everything else I need to do and I get overwhelmed until I do nothing. I want to write, but I can’t find the motivation or the words to say. I want to get a job, but that’s overwhelming to people who don’t have anxiety. So instead I binge watch T.V. shows because that doesn’t overwhelm me.
Anxiety is a crippling mental illness. One that I wish people would take more seriously. One that I wish wasn’t so stigmatized. Sometimes it feels like I’m expected to put a band-aid on a broken leg and just walk it off.
hessianwithteeth 
May 20th, 2015 at 10:50 pm
is particular. But your line “Anxiety is the fear that everything you do is somehow wrong. And on top of all that, anxiety is the knowledge that you fears are irrational and the inability to stop them.” is well placed and perfect.
you write well. I am pleased to read through you posts. ^.^
LikeLike
May 20th, 2015 at 10:51 pm
Thank you š
LikeLike
May 7th, 2015 at 8:45 am
I suffer from anxiety as well. Therapy gave me way better coping skills than any medication. After years of anxiety I went through a major depression and that was the worst hell ever. Learning everything you can about anxiety and how to manage it helps immensely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 6th, 2015 at 8:14 pm
So sorry to hear you are having such a challenging time right now. Sometimes it can be ok to binge-watch tv, or nap for hours, or just simply pull in for a while. It’s not a helpful long-term solution, but many of us who suffer from any mental illness are particularly sensitive people who get overwhelmed from time to time. Have you heard of “diapause”? I just learned this word. In nature, it refers to a period of shut-down due to effects from environmental sources. I like the idea of applying it to humans. It’s so easy to have such outlandish expectations of ourselves that we unwittingly wear ourselves to the bone, and then lying on a couch for awhile is all we can do.
Over time, you will build your own toolkit of things that work for you to help you feel better. Mine include therapy, medication, exercise, eating fairly well, napping when tired (frequently), restorative yoga, bodywork (massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, healing touch) a good support network, funny movies, learning to let go, trying to tame my internal critic, learning more about myself — strengths/weaknesses/mental illness, that I’m an introvert, etc. (I don’t do all of these all the time –I just check in with myself when I’m feeling poorly and say “self, what do you need right now?”
Hope you’re feeling better sooner rather than later. Best to you.
LikeLike
May 6th, 2015 at 9:09 am
I have PTSD, and while it can manifest as anxiety in people it does not do so often in me. In an anxiety disorder, what a “normal” person (there is no such thing) feels as anxiety is more like butterflies ion the stomach as compared to a sufferer who may feel paralyzed as if they are staring down the barrel of a loaded gun and any action could result in a final solution not to their liking.
Try not to over-think, this too shall pass.
LikeLike
May 5th, 2015 at 3:53 pm
Fake it till you make it; play to your strengths- Don’t make excuses. Ever. Even valid, real problems like anxiety. Own and accept your weaknesses and you’ll be able to more clearly see and take pride in your strengths. – But hell, I’m talking to a mirror not you; hope it helps.
LikeLike
May 5th, 2015 at 10:05 pm
Bad advice for a person with an serious Anxiety disorder Like Hessian. If she could fake it she would and she does to some extent. she has too. But do you ask some one with a broken leg to fake till the their leg mends, or a diabetic fake until their blood glucose level right itself? A person with a mental illness can no more power through their affliction then can a cancer patient.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 5th, 2015 at 5:46 am
Reblogged this on Reflections of A Quirky Mind and commented:
I resonate with many (not all) parts of this.
I personally am not any medication. My anxiety shares it’s space with my fiercely independent nature and my scattered, impulsive ADHD brain.
My journey into self is attempt to understand these things and turn around to my advantage.
I speak of it with confidence because the last thing I want the world to know is how many sleepless nights and trembling moments I have paid with over the years.
Anxiety happens can happen to the confident as well. You are not alone.
LikeLike
May 5th, 2015 at 5:23 am
Thank you for sharing this. It describes the nightmare of anxiety so well. I can begin how deeply many parts of this resonate with me.
Thank you.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 5:50 pm
I got *mostly* over mine by exercising and dropping 30 lbs, I think mostly cause you get too active to dwell. The real thing is how much of it SHOULD you be anxious over? Sometimes accepting it is a real key. Fatalist startle less easily.
As a US worker bee there is plenty to worry about because things really are going down hill. Much more homelessness and such as of late.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 4th, 2015 at 2:13 pm
Yep, been there.
In my case, anxiety was a misdiagnosis – I actually had PTSD. If your anxiety is crippling and the “usual” methods to manage it aren’t working, I’d encourage a second opinion on the diagnosis too.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 12:00 pm
I echo Leonard’s comment. I have been medicated for anxiety for several years. On my medication, I’m able to really engage in life and enjoy everything around me. Off my medication, I am… It’s hard to explain, but I imagine much like you are feeling right now. I’ve been lucky to find Celexa (citalopram) that works well for me without any negative side effects. (I also love therapy, but it has not changed my body chemistry and the medication is still essential for me.)
Good luck with finding the right balance for you!
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 9:49 am
meditation will help, if not cure, this problem. and it’s free and can be practiced anywhere.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 8:34 am
I share that same feeling, for sure. I’m a year out of school and the anxiety is easily 50x worse than ever. You’re not alone.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 6:43 am
Couldn’t agree more. It’s looked down upon and made light of when in reality it’s debilitating. I’ve been taking Klonopin for about three years. Panic attacks are not uncommon for me. It’s difficult to explain to people that you can’t do X because of anxiety. Only those who experience get it. I’m still unsure of what to do in my daily life to manage it.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 6:26 am
I feel for you. Anxiety is difficult to deal with. I hope that you have tried meditation and possibly yoga. Reasoning is that it makes you focus on the “now” in either a mantra or in yoga your breath which is why TV works because it’s something to focus on and as well as a distraction. Now a far stretch of thinking is that people who have anxiety have spirit near them. I know it’s far reaching but many mediums speak of high anxiety before they realized what it was. I’m not saying your a medium but some people are connected soulfully which in turn can cause a lot of anxiety by spiritual presence. I hope you find your answer to finding peace in this life.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 4:14 am
I understand what you are going through. Have you considered speaking to a licensed professional? They might be able to provide some assistance.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 2:48 am
I am sorry for your pain, that you have to experience it at all. Keep your head up and believe that things will work out for the best regardless of how the situation looks at the time. Doing so will solidify the fact. Just remember that there are always people in the world who care about others wellbeing despite familiarity and let them help you. I wish you the best and I truly hope that you find the peace you seek.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 12:52 am
I can also relate. That’s really rough, and it’s hard to try to function properly when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Good luck with coping, and please know that you are not alone. I have generalized anxiety as well as social anxiety, both are hard to work around. Again, best of luck, and do not hesitate to contact me if you need anonymous emotional support.
LikeLike
May 4th, 2015 at 12:46 am
Oh, dear. I can relate to many of these feelings. I wish you peace and calm and relief. AND the energy to do those things that you want to do.
LikeLike
May 3rd, 2015 at 11:56 pm
One of the issues with anxiety and other symptoms of mental illness is that everyone feels it. Most have drawn up their schematic of “anxiety” and expect their anxiety to be the same as yours. For them, anxiety is just stress and a necessary motivator. They have little empathy for something so easily overcome. For them, it is not crippling.
Anyway, a lot of what you describe sounds cognitive so I wonder what techniques you have tried to battle those thoughts (aside from reasoning and medication).
LikeLike
May 3rd, 2015 at 11:53 pm
I’ve been treated for anxiety since 1998. The correct medication balanced annually to account for the bodies metabolism will leave you living a normal and happy life. It works for me. It is treatable and you need the balance.
LikeLiked by 1 person