Category Archives: Sex

Update On Baby


This post is for anyone who is interested in reading about my pregnancy to date. About 2 years ago I had an abortion followed by a miscarriage. I wrote about both around the times they took place. Since then I have really wanted a child, but Withteeth and I needed to wait until we were in a better place in life. While we aren’t in the best position, it is difficult to see us getting their until we are in our 30s.We also aren’t in a terrible spot. So we decided to start expanding our family (it seems silly to say “start a family” since we’ve been together for years and we have two fur babies in the form of cats). This pregnancy isn’t what I would call completely planned. I was just starting to track my periods and the due date is in December. But it’s close enough.

Anyway, I missed my period in March. I didn’t go to the doctor right away because I was worried about another possible miscarriage. I initially suspected I was pregnant when I started feeling nauseous for no reason (both of my previous pregnancies came with early nausea, so I knew what I was feeling). A home test confirmed the pregnancy at about 4 weeks. I booked a doctors appointment for around week 6, but ended up having to go to a walk-in clinic 2 days early due to vomiting (I’m about to get a bit TMI right now, so if you have a weak stomach please skip ahead). I was throwing up once a day beginning at week 5. That’s actually how my mom found out. She came over and I ended up having to run to the bathroom to throw up. So much for waiting until the second month :P. By week six I was throwing up so much I couldn’t keep anything down, so I went to the doctor. They prescribed some pills, but didn’t give me a high enough dose, so my actually doctor upped the dose when I went to my initial appointment. A word of warning for those of you who are in the early stags of pregnancy or are trying to become pregnant: throwing up once or twice a day can be normal, throwing up more than that is not normal. If you feel like you’re struggling to keep food down, see your doctor. It is very bad for both you and baby if you aren’t getting the nutrience you need. Anyway, the pills I was prescribed helped a lot. At the initial low dose I was prescribed, I was throwing up about twice a day, but I was able to keep most food down. At the higher dose, I was throwing up about every other day. My doctor considered putting me on a second drug to completely end the vomiting, but all of the drugs already had me feeling fairly woozy (I’m still taking my antidepressants at my doctor’s insistence). I couldn’t really afford to take more drugs that would make functioning difficult.

In the end, I lost 6 pounds after becoming pregnant. While I still experience mild nausea, I rarely throw up now. I’m down to about one pill a day. Unfortunately, the morning sickness caused me to miss about a weeks worth of work, and the pills were making my sleep about 14 hours a day. I can now function with about 10-12 hours of sleep (I used to only need 8-10 hours), which I’m thrilled about. Other than the morning sickness, this pregnancy has been fairly typical. I’m gaining weight now, though I’m a bit smaller than I should be. But baby is a bit bigger than thy should be, so no worries there. Baby is also super active. I’ve had three ultrasounds and baby would not stay still during any of them. Baby kicks me constantly. I’m at 22 weeks and Withteeth felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday. I, however, haven’t gotten a break since week 17 when I started to feel the movement. All of my blood tests have come back normal. Baby doesn’t have downs or any of the other trisomies. Baby has ten fingers and ten toes, and is capable of opening and closing their fists. They also like to keep one fist in front of their face, much to the annoyance of the ultrasound technician. But I’ve definitely gotten some good pictures despite baby’s inability to stay still.

While I don’t feel as energetic as I’m used to, my anxiety is also way down, which is great. I’m able to gt some moderate exercise in, so I’ve been going for plenty of walks, but I can’t push myself too hard. I don’t feel as though I look very big compared to the average 5 month pregnant person, but I feel huge compared to what I’m used to. People don’t seem to recognize me as pregnant yet, but my stomach feels like I ate a basketball. My breasts are also rediculously sensitive and are most definitely growing. One more than the other. I don’t think I’ll ever have what most people consider large breasts (good riddance), but they are far too big for my taste already. My on cat seems to recognize what’s happening (she was a mama herself) and has been kind enough not to step on my stomach and breasts, but my younger cat seems blissfully unaware of the pain he causes as he tries to lay down on my stomach every morning. All in all, I’m feeling pretty good, but I’m definitely looking forward to getting this kid out of me (just not too soon).


Why Is Raising a Child So Controversial?


It seems like it is impossible not to do something controversial when trying to bring up baby. Something as simple as letting a 4 month old sip water can cause some people to threaten to call child services. Personally, I think it’s dangerous to assume that parents always have their child’s best interests at heart, and it’s even worse to think of a child as their parents property. That said, does everybody need to have an opinion on what I do from now until baby is…when do people stop analyzing everything?

But Withteeth and I already know we’ll be raising baby in ways that’ll make some people cringe. For starters, we won’t be taking baby to church. We aren’t Christian. We want baby to choose their own religion, or no religion, when they are old enough. We also intend to cloth diaper and won’t be waiting until baby is six months to start them on solids. If the baby is male, we won’t be circumcising either. And then their is the Homeschooling thing. But that isn’t the most controversial thing we plan to do.

The most controversial aspect of our parenting will revolve around baby’s gender. We don’t know the sex, though I could have found out weeks ago. We don’t want to know. For one thing, it’ll tell us nothing more than what’s between baby’s legs. For another, it prevents others from enforcing their own stereotypes on baby before baby has even entered the world. In other blog posts I have discussed my being genderqueer. That hasn’t changed. In fact, pregnancy makes my own gender more obvious to me. Because of my own gender, I want any children I have to feel safe expressing themselves however they prefer. For that reason, Withteeth and I have chosen to refer to baby as “they” until they choose a preferred pronoun. We have also collected an assortment of gender neutral clothes for the first two years (most of which were given to us by friends). Studies show that gender begins to develop between age 2 and 5, so we plan to allow baby to pick their own preferred clothes at that point. We also won’t be cutting baby’s hair until then. What baby wears and what they do with their hair will be their choice. After all, it’s their hair and their body. So what if they don’t look fashionable? I was too busy getting dirty to look fashionable at that age, and I can’t imagine my child will be any different.

As for how they identify, we don’t really care about that. We may have a masculine child, or a feminine child. More likely our child will fall somewhere in the middle. If they pick pink Disney princess everything, great. If they prefer trucks or dinosaurs, great. Many parents worry about such things. They think the child will be confused. Confused about what? What they like? Has anybody tried to divert the attention of a toddler away from what they want before? It isn’t exactly easy. Isn’t it more likely to confuse them if you keep forcing them to play with things they don’t like? Or wear clothes they hate? It’s certainly not going to cause me anything but a headache. No, when it comes to things like clothing, hair styles, and toys, I’ll let baby lead. I’ll save the battles for the things that matter: health, food, spending, education, etc.


What I think a robust sex education program would look like. Plus a rant!


I’d like to start by saying. Abstinence is not a substitute for sex education. It never will be it hasn’t been effective, and in wouldn’t be effective. Why? Because most people are going to have sex, so if all you do is tell them not to do then how are you surprised when they eventually have sex they make all kinds of mistakes and missteps. You can’t expect to leave the lights off and expect newcomers to navigate the space safely.

People talk about abstinence as though it is some holy grail of sex ed. If only we talked more about¬†abstinence teens and young adults would stop having sex! Hate to tell you but your parents generation of teens had sex, your generation had sex mine does, and the next will. With puberty comes sexual desire, while this isn’t universal it is extremely common, and for many teens and young adults sex is a real and present possibility, and something many want.

Telling teens not to do something isn’t going to be effective, and just telling them the risks isn’t enough as many will go on to risk it anyway. Lying and misleading them into think the risks are greater then they are is a bad idea, because when they find out well good buy to any trust those teens may have had in the person(s) lying to them and those implicit in lying to them. Even if they don’t find out, they are still in the dark about the real risk, and how to protect themselves even if this “save themselves” for marriage they did don’t know the options available to them, including general sex tips like lube usage.

All that you end up doing by promoting abstinence is making those kids ignorant, not safer. Don’t believe me read through this it has some mighty good citations.

Now my rant against abstinence only education has run it’s course I know not many reading is agree with abstinence only and understand abstinence, while it is an option, is only a tiny portion of what our children need to be informed members of society in regards to sexual activity.

I’d like to see a whole (mandatory) course devoted on the subject who’s main point would be as follows.

  • Reproduction and anatomy (the biological side of things, also including intersex)
  • Sexuality, and a brief look into gender.
  • Consent education, and education about rape culture.
  • Safe sex, including contraception, knowledge about vaccine treatments, information about testing, types of sexual intercourse, including non-preventative sex. Resources resources resources, you can’t cover everything, but kids will find out if they want to know, so you might as well direct them reputable sources.
  • Healthy Relationships, how to communicate, how to determine what you want what your goals are and what your comfortable with, how to share that with your future or current partner(s) and how to respect and compromise with your partner.
  • Abuse identification and prevention.

By hitting this 6 major points I could see us giving children a robust foundation for them to build upon as they grow into adults.

Reproduction and anatomy so that they are getting to know what to expect, and it’s just good for health to know how our bodies worth.

Sexuality so we do not push a heteronormative agenda a leave all the LGBTQA children high, dry, lost and confused. As well has just make it clear to everyone that differences in sexual preferences exist and are both normal and natural.

Consent so people stop raping one another, and so our kids understand what rape actually is.

Safe sex because most of these kids are going to be having sex in the next several years best make sure they’re prepared.

Healthy Relationships are something wholly missed in most sex education programs, expect most people will be getting into relationships before having sex. It’s an excellent time to have kids start thinking about what they want and how to communicate those desires, and well as teaching them how to communicate in those future¬† relationships where disagreements or misunderstanding my form.

Domestic abuse is still a massive problem in our world and give the next generation the tools to better identify and deal with it will bring about what I suspect would be some massive positive changes.

This is my ever growing outline for what I plan to be teaching to my kids in the future. I hope to see what we teach in school expand to these important lessons which I feel many children never really learn except for the hard way.

Witheeth

PS. It has been brought to my attention that some folks are think that I want to do away with teaching abstinence altogether. That is not the case, I want to do away with abstinence only education(because it’s been shown highly ineffective, achieving the opposite of it goal), other wise abstaining from sex is a perfectly valid option if you choose it. However it is ill advised and ineffective to try to force abstinence, and does not teach those necessary skills. Also don’t sex shame it’s counter productive, but I’ll do a post on that later.


%d bloggers like this: